The Day the Music Died

With today being Father's Day I of course have been thinking about my Father (this post will of course prompt Mad Dog to ask me a MILLION times if I'm okay. Which I am and I would also like to say I love him for asking). We lost him to cancer in April 2001. He didn't get to meet my family, Mad Dog, Gabrielle, Lex or Loki, though we are pretty sure he keeps tabs on the kids. We know Papa John is whispering in their ear every chance he gets. 

I have written a lot about my Father throughout this blog. I miss him a lot. I think he is happy to know we are all okay. He was worried about leaving us, what would become of each of us without him here to take care of things. I promised him I would take care of my brother as best I could. Watching out for Kevin and kicking Sean in the head when needed (one word: COLORADO). 

There are songs that make me think of him, one of them is American Pie by Don McLean. My cousin Paul made me think of it today with a posting he made on Facebook. The part in particular is:

And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

The lyric doesn't only remind me of my father, but of two other men in my life who have since left us. 

The first is my Uncle Jerry (from left to right: My Uncle Kenny, Aunt Betty, My Dad and Uncle Jerry). Of the three he is the most recent to go. He was my Father's younger brother. He lived in California and was one of the people who cared for my Father in the end. I remember as a kid being so excited when Uncle Jerry would come for a visit, bringing his family - my Aunt Yasmin and cousins Buddy (now all grown-up and goes by the name Paul) and Heather. With Jerry came all the stories of my Father's childhood. How he chased Jerry in Mission Hill and got him hit by a Milk Truck. How he knocked a block which was in Jerry's mouth through his cheek. How after my Father and Uncle Bob scared Jerry so much into thinking there was something in the bedroom closet (at an Aunt's House) that he pee'd on the bedroom rug when he had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night - that my Father got in trouble the next morning for doing it. A trip to California would result in a  tour of San Francisco complete with either a San Francisco Bay Cruise or an Alcatraz Cruise Tour. Our time in California when my Dad was in the hospital we were introduced to Burger City where Jerry was their Norm (Cheers in case you miss the pop culture reference). I still have the gift certificate the folks at Burger City gave to my Dad when he was sick. Jerry was a second Father to my Brothers and I.

The third man is my Uncle Pat. He was my Mother's brother (the middle child, with my Mother the youngest). He left us first. He passed away on Easter Sunday. I remember it like it was yesterday - answering the phone a my Mom's, being a smart ass to him before passing the phone off to my Mom. His leaving was very sudden for us and had a strong effect on my brothers, who had grown extremely close to him. He lived with my Grandmother and kept an eye on her. Most of my childhood memories with my Mom's side of the family are with his sons Patrick and Christopher (and my cousin Amy). My strongest memory isn't of him alive, but of when my Father died. Just before my Dad left he said that he saw my Uncle telling him to come on (my Dad died Palm Sunday), he said it was my Uncle Pat and my Grandmother (his Mom) coming to get him. It was nice to know he had a friend there to help him. 

Each man played a strong role in mine and my Brother's lives (I think they both would completely agree with this). They have left us with stories to recall, tell and pass on to our children. Some will be before our time and other will be with our time with them. To my cousins Paul, Heather, Patrick and Christopher I want them to know with each Father's Day me and my family will honor their Fathers. Keeping them in our hearts and stories. 

Mad Dog: Mad Daddy!

Known to some as Mad Dog, to others as Michael, but to three special kids he is known as Daddy.

From our first date Mad Dog has express the importance of his children (his child at the time). That first night before we sat down for dinner together he placed his nightly call to Gabrielle to say goodnight. Something he does each an every night she is away from him. This process sometimes means a slew of phone calls to find where or who she is with (her Aunt, her Grandmother, etc.) He takes the time to ask about her day, what she learned at school (usually the answer is nothing) and most importantly to let her know he is thinking of her even when she is away. During this calls he helps her with her homework (math, writing, etc.), when she was younger the calls would be made up stories about the kitties and dog (most of them who have passed away) and the adventures and trouble they would get into. Later the calls were just Mad Dog reading her chapters from books, that then turned into her reading him chapters.
She is his little girl and we know that it hurt him to be apart from her, but he will always be there when she needs him- no matter the miles between them.

When we found out I was pregnant, I hoped we would have a son. Part of this was for me, but the greater part was for Mad Dog. I wanted him to have a little boy to teach things too, to do things that Gabrielle had not interest in. I wanted him to be able to teach him baseball, take him to games, play superheroes and read comic books with (not that Loki won't do all those things and more). He got all that and more. He has a son named after a comic book character (though it is a villain) who has embraced the comic books and superheroes. He is excited about learning baseball (though he keeps telling Mad Dog I will teach him and Mad Dog can watch). He is a little Geek Son for a Big Geek Dad.

Loki is the youngest and is completely Daddy's Little Girl (we're waiting to see her take down Gabrielle this summer when she gets in her way). They bonded immediately and she adores him. He lets her find her way, not keeping her in a tower making her miss everything. Today Loki climbed down the (steep) stairs to our apartment all by herself with Mad Dog looking on. She keeps him on his toes and reminds him every once in a while that though he is bigger, she is badder.

I am grateful that Mad Dog is the Father of my children. I know he worries from time to time that he isn't a good father, he worries that he will become his father. He cannot be that man. The kids are everything to him. He is everything to them. Above are photographs taking on each of the kids birth days. We have them framed individually with the kids names and their dates for birth. Starting at the top, is Gabrielle (2000), then Lex (2007) and Loki (2008).

Fathers (To Be or Not To Be)

With today being Father's Day, this of course got me thinking about Fathers and what it means to be one. The fact that most men can reproduce doesn't not give them the title of Father alone (the same goes for Mothers). I don't want to go into listing the things that are required of people to hold the titles as parents, but some are just commonsense.

Mad Dog is an amazing Father. I can't even begin to list all the reason, but some are: calling Gigi every night to see how her day went; taking Lex to Gymnastics with the SAHM Club that he can't stand listening to; encouraging Lex to try new things; how cute he is with Loki and how she looks at him like he is the only one in the world to her - the list goes on and on.

Being without my own Father makes me think about how he compared with the Fathers I know. How he would be with my kids and with Mad Dog. I think he would like Mike. Do I think Mike would like him - yeah, I'm alot like my Father, but I will say I think my Dad would give Mike a hard time, just to give him a hard time. Tough love. I know that my Father would have gotten a kick out of Lex and adored Loki. Loki would have been his Chunky Monkey too. I know he was with us today in some way.

As for our day - Mad Dog got to sleep in, which was a true bonus for him I think. We later went of breakfast at the Corner Lunch Diner. Very good diner food, and possibly our new favorite place. Lex flirted with the waitress, and didn't know what to do when she flirted back. When we got back Loki took a nap, and so did Mad Dog and I on the couch while Lex ran around watching the Incredibles on DVD. Mad Dog then had to go to work, leaving me with the Monkeys. Oh and I got to state my "Cafe Corner" (Lego Set).

I do hope all you Dads had a good day and I hope all you deserving Dads like mine and Mad Dog had a special day that reminded you why it's so important to be a good Dad.