The First Call

This morning started out like pretty much any other. Lex and Loki up early. Mad Dog and I trying to sleep as long as they would let us. Because today is Mad Dog's Birthday we took him for breakfast at a diner near our house. On our return the kids started to play in the living room, and Loki even pulled herself up for the first time to stand against a chair in our living room (this before 9 months). Settling in for the day, and with Mad Dog getting stuff ready before he leaves for work I received a phone call from my Mother.

She had called yesterday saying she was going into the hospital to have a few tests run. Nothing to worry about and that she just wanted us to know where she was, so there were no frantic calls to find her. Today however she called again to give me a little more insight into why she was there. It would seem that my Mother has a Pericardial Cyst. It measures about 12 cm (size of a Grapefruit) and is situated between her lungs leaning slightly against her heart. The mass is filled with fluid and not believed to be cancerous.

There are several things they can do. 1) Leave it alone and monitor 2) drain the mass - but most likely it would heal and refill 3) major surgery where they open her completely up to remove the mass, which has about an 8 week recovery time and lastly 4) (the one the are most likely going with) using 3 probes, deflate her left lung and separate the mass from it, reinflate the lung and then repeat on the right side. This is about 5 days in the hospital and possibly at best 2 weeks recovery. All surgical options have a 1% chance she won't recover.

We don't have anything else as of yet, such as when surgery will take place and so on. I had to call my brothers this morning to update them. Telling them she is not worried and therefore we shouldn't be. I'm a firm believer in the fact that you don't worry until you get all the facts. I know I was that way with my Dad. Now we wait.

Funny thing is I was just thinking that people who read my blog will think by the start of this entry it was going to be one of my normal rants or silliness, but the entry was kind of like being slapped in the face, huh? I guess it had the perfect effect, since that phone call was kind of the same thing for me.

Recalulating Route

Today I scrolled back through this blog to it origins. In the beginning I had stated that this blog was to be about Lex or Little Man as I called him. It was to contain personal entries about his life and growing up. Sadly I don't think it was ever just that. It has always been a complete look at our lives, mainly thought my eyes, but still a look at the little thinks that make us tick, crazy and sometimes sad.

I think because of this a new statement of purpose needs to be set forth. This blog is to document our lives, our children's lives and all that goes on around us. It will be an honest description of events and our observation of those events. We hope you will continue to follow us on our "Road to Nowhere" for we have found that there are people and places along this road that should be brought to light and introduced to those around us. We plan on making many more memories along this road and though our destination is still unknown, it is the adventure that drives us to continue on.

One Fishy, Two Fishy

This week is the last of our summer. Well not really, but with Gigi going back to WI it kind of ends the summer chaos. We are now transitioning into a normal schedule and life once again. Loki has adjusted just fine. I think she likes the idea that she gets her room back to herself, and doesn't have Mike walking in every 15 minutes after bedtime anymore to check on someone. Lex on the other hand we think is having a little bit more trouble with the change. He keeps asking where Gigi is. He understand a little bit, but I think he doesn't know who to bother or tease now. Looks like Loki and Spirit are in for it, huh?

With changes in our house, we have 2 small additions. We have 2 goldfish. Lex's calls them "Fish One" and "Fish Two". They live in a small tank in his bedroom. The excitement in his face is unbelievable, and with all that enthusiasm it's hard to explain to him some simple things. He thinks they need to all the time and since we feed the ducks in the pond bread and Cheerios he thinks they a perfect diet for 2 little goldfish. He also runs up to you and makes fish lips and breathes for you like that.

Tonight before bed, he lined up all his friends (Jimmy, O'Brien and Bolt) to say hello to the fish. Arranging them so that they sat all around the front of the tank. Then he told us all to "shhh" and said the fish were going night-night. We hope that these two new friends will stick around for a while and continue to create memories with Lex.

Oh and one more thing I forgot to mention. Lex learned to say Aquaman this week. Complete came out of left field, but said it just the same. Maybe this is a sign?

HEY LADY!

After a long work day most people like to decompress in their car, listening the music or just the rumble of the road as they find there way from work to home. Personally I would have to say that sounds nice to me. Listening to some music on my Ipod, a podcast or even a book would be nice, but sadly 3 days out of my commute week are not like that. Rather I have Jerry Lewis in my back seat.

Yes, I have found that when Lex gets into my car he turns into Jerry Lewis. He finds that pitch in voice that Lewis gets when he says "HEY LADY!" To add to the volume and antics he sings, and does everything in his power to make Loki giggle even try to shove a Dunkin Donuts straw up her nose. Something she complete encourages him in doing, by belly laughing so hard that I don't think she can breath.

Today to try to control the noise level in the car, I engaged Lex in conversation. Something I usually do by asking him his body parts, which he points to and repeats (I recommend sticking with what you know). But today I start telling Gigi and him about what was going to go on in the next few days. Part of this being that we are going to attend a cook out of good friends of ours. I explained that Lex would see Miles, our friends 4 year old son, in which

Lex calmly replied "Oh!" Trying to work on his volcabuary I tried to get him to repeat "Miles". I did get something, but it wasn't really close. We moved on to other friends he has met before - like Steve, which he repeated as "Teve". Then Blue, which came out "Bew" - works for me. I tried Sage, which was mumbled but attempted. Gretchen - he just ignored me. I then said Himmer, that became "Immer". Moving on to Michael. I got back "Daddy!"

"No, not Dadda. This is a different Michael." I explained.

"Me. Two Dadda!" he proudly announced trying to hold up 2 fingers.

"No. One Dadda! Michael is Miles Dadda!"

"Two Dadda!"

This turned into an Abbott and Costello routine. Again trying to control the volume in the car as well as redirect him, I told him Marny had a baby in her belly (you think I would learn!) "Momma- Baby!"

"No, Lex. Momma doesn't have a baby in her belly. Marny does."

Another 4 rounds of "Who's has a baby in their belly?" with a 2 year old. Lex of

course playing the straight man. There is no winning this, but I go on trying just the same.

We get home and make it up to bed time. I'm helping Lex get into his pajamas, while Mad Dog sits waiting for story time to start. Because Lex is giving me a bit of a hard time, Mad Dog trying to distract him. Lex points to him and says "No Dadda!"

Mad Dog makes some comment to him, and Lex responds with "No. Me. Two Dadda!"

Inspiration by the Pound (aka Kick a Supermodel)

Recently a friend of mine turned 39, and with this turn of the dial he decided to get healthy by forty. A lot of people make such lifestyle changes on the threshold of a milestone in their life, but what impressed me about this was how much he put himself out there.

He started a blog (Fit by Forty) regarding his goal, and asked his friends and family to help him along his road. I know again that might not be odd, but he put himself out there all the way. Posting his Age, Height, Weight and BMI like stats on a baseball card. Knowing him as long as I have, I found this rather shocking. I know he has struggled with his weight for a long time and has made many attempts to get healthy and fit, but I feel for the most part they have been private battles.

You know like, "First Rule of Dieting is: You don't talk about dieting! Second Rule of Dieting is: Don't keep cookies in the house!" The only people who put themselves our there like that are honestly usually SKINNY people. "Oh, I have 10 pounds to go." Go where? Is that when you just disappear from existence? Don't say it isn't true we all know one person like that and I'm not putting the "Hate" on to skinny people - please I inspire to be one someday.

We all have that image in our head of what we look like. People at work were talking about it the other day - you have it in your head and then you see yourself in the mirror and say "Who the hell is that?" Personally in my mind I'm Laura Croft, Power Girl or Supergirl (Yes I know - NONE OF THE WOMEN ARE REAL!) but damn it I look good in my head and at least I'm honest enough with myself not to try to dress like them looking as I do. Again there are people out there that do and really shouldn't.

I give great Kudos to my dear friend for putting himself out there like that. I don't think I'm

ready to do that myself - I honestly don't even like my Wii Fit knowing (I hate his little snarky comments - the little f@*^er). I'm not turning forty in a year, but I will be 35 in several months - I don't think I could get there from here (the place I want to be) by that time, but I plan to start once a small bit of stress is removed from my summer life.

In my life there have been two people who have inspired me to get fit, and make the change. Oddly both have been men. The first was my friend Mark and now the second on that list is my friend Michael. I think both made their changes for the right reasons, unlike most of the women I know who seem to do it for all the wrong reasons (MEN!) I honestly think that you can only do it when YOU ARE ready to do it.

Mad Dog and I had started at the beginning of the summer, before I ended up in the Hospital. We had put ourselves up for 2 week challenges and at the end of each 2 weeks the one that lost the most received a gift of their choice. Something small like body lotion or a book. We didn't get very far, but Mad Dog had mentioned this little deal to his Mother. She said she wanted some of that action. She put it to us if we lost 50 lbs, she would give us $500 dollars (don't know if its each or not). Now this is very nice and very encouraging, but unless I'm in the mind set - I will never see that $500 no matter how nice it would be.

I have to put my game face on and maybe get in Laura Croft kick ass mind set if I ever want to see that cash. I want to do this for myself and for my kids. I want to be where I was when I met Mad Dog and before I had Lex - then I want to move past that and get to something that makes me happy - not what society or the American Medical Association tells me I should be. Oddly as I'm writing this the theme song to a TV show called Popular is running through my mind:

Summer sun has come to stay,
Bikinis, tans, outrageous legs,
They're all retarded, and they all look the same,
And barbie's body's melting down,
On her face a big fat frown,
'cause Mr. Cellulite just moved into town.

(Chorus)
Well me and B, we hate supermodels,
It's not that we know anyone personally,
It's just that I'm tired of being compared.

The boys they come here,
With expectations for the summer,
I refuse to take any part of this barbaric ritual,
'cause God has given me a mind,
That I will use from time to time,
And I got more on my head,
Than what's made by Paul Mitchell.

(Repeat chorus)
It's just that I'm tired of being compared.

(Bridge)
Was it worth the tears you cried...
To fit the size?

Well Think it over once or twice,
What lasts the longest in this life,
Character, or rock hard thighs?
In the end do you believe,
That beauty lies in what you see?
'cause if you do, then baby
You've been deceived.

Thank you Michael for the inspiration and to very one else don't put the hate on, but feel free to kick a Supermodel today! (Photographs by Elizabeth Robbins)

Tinfoil Hat Case: The Tricky Prostitute

I'm starting to feel that we might be living in a "Hellmouth". For those who don't know what I'm talking about, Hellmouths are places of increased supernatural energy. These areas are places where the barriers between dimensions are weak. The Hellmouth acts as a focal point, which serves as a portal between Earth and Hell. For these reasons, a Hellmouth attracts demons, other supernatural creatures and other unsavory characters (i.e. the dregs of society) becoming a hot spot for supernatural activities and strange happenings.

Let me say that Mad Dog and I like where we live. It's gives us both a equally distant commute to work and to our families. It allows us easy access to Boston and most of New England. We like our Landlord, he is a nice guy and he is always willing to assist when there is an issue or concern. Also, our apartment has character, I don't think I could live in some new white walled box that didn't have the charm of an older home.

I'm sure now that you've read this far you're very confused. I mean Hellmouth - nice home. Doesn't balance huh? Now I don't think we have a supernatural problem, though I'm sure the house has history, but even in the last year we have seen enough to last us a bit, between the house and the area. We have seen at least 3 evictions in the building; a homeless guy sleeping in the hallway; a death of our very nice building manager; a double stabbing on the side walk and now our newest story - which I will get to in a moment. Worcester alone has given us a great deal of wonderful stories. The flooding right out of the Bible; blizzards resulting in 6 hour commutes home; a shooting within a block of our home and of course the Pregnant Mother that was killed for her unborn child all withing the last year! I know it's not all supernatural, but damn it something is up. I mean I'm not saying I'm not prepared for the whole Zombie thing or Aliens - Mad Dog has been wearing his tinfoil hat for years - but I am saying I have never lived any where so strange.

Today's story is more bizarre then anything else. This morning while getting ready for work our doorbell rang. Mad Dog tried to finish getting dressed before running for the door. When he got the our door he heard someone downstairs talking to a woman and then saw said woman coming up the stairs. From what he explained to me she was wearing a very short skirt and her top resembled something more like a bra. She had a little difficulty making it up the stairs, due to possible intoxication. She passed our apartment for the 3rd floor (a long way to go when you're not good on your feet). There was some banging on the door and then a conversation. "You didn't think I would find you!" Blah, blah, blah. Mad Dog went back to our morning routine.

Later today he forwarded me an email from one of our 3rd floor neighbors. Now I'm not making this up. When I read it I had to call him and ask if he was kidding me. I won't post the email, but it was to give us a heads up that if anyone came ringing the doorbell looking for access to the 3rd floor apartment what we didn't know or said they were trying to reach someone from their that we shouldn't let them into the building. There is nothing strange about that. The best part of this is the next - That several of the occupants of the building have been tricked by a prostitute, that they didn't know was a prostitute at the time who claimed to "know someone in the building". Being tricked by prostitutes! Doesn't that just make you laugh.

We have lived her for I think 2 years now - through the frat house parties on the first floor for the first year and plenty of issues with the 3 guys (which turned out to actually be 7/8) who lived here when we first moved in, but prostitutes trying to sneak in to our building - I mean last time I checked this wasn't the Playboy mansion. Hef's name is not on the mailbox. Those tricky prostitutes, I mean always turning tricks on people - wait isn't that what they get paid to do?

I don't know I just think this is one of those bizarre little things that you come across in life that you put away in your "Memory Warehouse" and wait for when you write a book. I'm going to keep an eye on this one - I mean it might be a whole tinfoil hat conspiracy or maybe we should start training Loki to be the next Slayer and Lex a Watcher! Stranger things have been know to happen.

A Pirate's Life for Me!

We are told more often than not we are told how happy Lex and Loki are as children. "What a happy baby!" or "He is just so happy!" So, to have a child who looks like the end of the world is coming is a bit of a discouraging.

Today we ventured out to Western Massachusetts to our dear friends Patrick & Sara's (yes this is the same Patrick who saved Bolt from being lost forever in Holyoke). The main purpose of this trip was to celebrate their youngest daughter's 7th birthday, the other secret reason for the trip was to get syrup! I think most of us had a lovely time. Lex flirted with anyone who would talk to him, ever going up to a complete stranger to hug her legs without warning. Loki enjoyed babbling away in her carseat, talking to anyone who came by to admire her pretty blue eyes. Mad Dog & I got to socialize between looking for Lex and telling him to stop doing whatever he was doing that might result in future tear or blood.

As for Gigi - well I would like to say that she had a great time, but I don't know if I can. I think she has gotten it in her head a bit that when she comes to visit she should be the center of attention. This happened the other week at the Reunion, when my cousin Morgan paid a little too much attention to the other kids leading to Gigi sitting inside sulking. Today seemed to be just about the same. I don't know if it was because it was Saebra's Birthday (FYI -Pink Pirate Party) or that Aurelia was being a good host to the kids guests. Though it looked like her Dog has been hit by a fence post and died (some people know this story - you can ask me when she's not around) - when told we were going to get going, she started to beg to stay. We don't understand the behavior, and I think at this late stage in the summer - can't even start to worry about it. We can only push her along and remind her that she is missing out, because she isn't willing to try. She would rather say it's because of someone else - Morgan didn't want to play with her or Aurelia isn't talking to her. I ever kids has those days, but to have them just about every other makes for a very long and unhappy life.

Even Pirates have a little "Yo Ho" in their lives!

Family Reunion - aka Nana's Happy Day

When I was young, every holiday was spent with family (both immediate and extended). Christmas would start in Mansfield, and then move to my Uncle's in North Attleboro. All the kids were there and we played in the basement with whatever toy we brought along or received that day. This was my Mom's side of the family, which is not very big compared to my Dad's family - but it was family and we had a good time. In the 80's my Grandfather passed away and my Uncle moved down to South Carolina with part of his family. Since then we have all grown-up and see each other less and less.

This past year brought my Grandmother's 90th birthday. She is getting old and her memory is fading you can see it everyday, for those of us who see her often it's hard to watch, but we're grateful the have the time to be there with her. Being semi-dramatic (as I think most Elderly people are) she is aways asking if we think she'll see her family before she dies. Because of this we thought it would be nice to try to bring as many people together for her as possible.

Yesterday we had a Family Reunion.

This reunion brought together all her Great Grandchildren, spanning in age from 22 to 8 months. Nana was introduced to Jackson Donato, my cousin Patrick's son and got to see her oldest Great Grandchild, Brian, who she hasn't seen since the end of his Basic Training for the Military. The reunion also, brought my cousin Amy, her fiance Sam and Megan her daughter all the way from South Carolina. My Brother Sean and his wife Tiffany joined us from Ft. Lauderdale, FL, making this the first time they met Loki, my daughter since her birth last December.

For some of the kids, it was their first introduction to their extended family for others it was a chance to see how people have grown and changed. Though everyone couldn't be there, Nana was blessed to see Christopher, my cousin who lives in San Diego just a few weeks prior to the reunion, and received a phone call from my cousin Ed a few days before checking in on her and wishing her well. My Mom called me this afternoon, telling me that Nana has mentioned several times how wonderful it was to have so much of her family with her yesterday. My Mom has already started to pull together a scrapbook for her, something we can look at with her often and help her not to forget how much love she has around her.

Highlights of the day were kick ball the Family vs. The Out-Laws. The Family winning 10 to 8, even with Sean great couching skills; Morgan painting faces for the kids; Toni and Brian hanging in the sandbox with the kids; the beautiful family photograph Patrick & Sara gave Nana from their wedding; Lego Mini-Figure building with Mike and the power point presentation that brought back so many memories.

Breaking News: Bolt is Back!

This will be a very quick little post to thank our dear friend Patrick for sending Bolt back into our lives. He arrived today, and is sleeping peacefully at the foot of Lex's bed with his other dear friends (Chew, the Wookiee, Hannibal, the Sheep and Richard Parker, the Tiger). Sad to say that Ace, the little black Lab, was once again voted off the bed and exiled to the table with the books and other superheros. We don't know why this happened, but Lex made the case off just before turning in. Otherwise we had a peacefully night, with not too many tears.

So, once again thank you Patrick and the kind soul that found Bolt and knew enough that it was apart of Mad Dog's litter! Bolt, we're glad to have you back.

Tables, Ray Guns and Chinese Food

Today I had a little Mad Dog & Me time. Something that doesn't happen often. Because my Brother, Sean and his wife, Tiffany are up from Ft. Lauderdale for a visit they asked if they could spend a little time with the kids. So with Gigi at camp and Lex & Loki with Uncle Sean & Aunt Tiffany, I got a little time with Mad Dog.

This didn't happen until we of course handed over our children to my Brother. Which always scares me slightly. Don't get me wrong I love him, and I know he loves them. Do you sense a "BUT"? Of course you do. The BUT is, I think Sean still needs to learn a lot about kids. Having said that, I know he will one day when he has his own, and I honestly think that will be the only time he truly learns about them. When he is at the other end of all the craziness, running around, time-outs and tears. Oh and of course he'll be at the end of the gift that he told Kevin or I not to buy his kids, but we do anyhow (AKA - the "RAY GUN").

This was the first time Sean & Tiffany met Loki since she was

born. They haven't been north since like last October/November, and therefore haven't had a chance to meet Miss Lo. Sean I think honestly thinks Loki hates him. She takes to some people very well and others not so much. I think it's because of peoples reactions to her. I don't think she likes any type of harsh facial movements or anything that startles her. I think he'll grow on her. She took to Tiffany and had a great time. They both did.

As for my day with Mad Dog, we got to see Harry Potter, which made us both happy. Though we are keeping it on the QT for other reasons. We picked up our table from IKEA! When we returned to Mansfield, to my Mom's we got to visit with my cousin Amy, her daughter Megan and Sam, who I believe is her Fiance. He is very nice and had just enough geek to know the Green Lantern symbol on my car. Kudos for Sam!

This weekend is our family reunion. Small, but sweet. I'm looking forward to it. But right now I'm going to put together my new table (come on it is from IKEA), watch Leaverage and eat Chinese food with my Mad Dog

Cake of Death: Parenting 101

Each year before the start of the summer Mad Dog and I sit down and strategize how to approach this summer visit. The sad part about this is we're not this way we parent with Lex. Lex is 2 1/2 years old and he knows that: we have one meal a night, you don't eat - you don't eat; you take something out - you put it away before something else comes out or it's gone; you take off clothing - you put it in the hamper; your room is clean before you go to bed. This is a 2 year old. We have drilled this into him and he has taken to it. We expect and hope Loki will be the same way. Those who know us, know that we are laid back parents. You spill milk, we don't yell - it's happens. You ruin your shirt with a stain, we don't yell - it's happens. We do however expect you listen, and learn from what we tell you, even if you take the hard way to get there.

Each summer, by the end I feel (I think Mad Dog does too) that we have been walked on. The hard part for me is that I'm a "step-mom" and because of this, I feel I walk a line. A line where I let Mad Dog handle things, and try to stay out of it the best I can. Needless to say, I have a hard time doing this - I mean it is my house, my life and oddly my family it is effecting. Mad Dog knows I'm frustrated and he tries to help me with it, but what it comes down to is that I'm frustrated with her behavior, her attitude and how it effects him, and the kids. Please don't think, I am saying she is completely without her good points. I love her a great deal. What I don't love is what she will grow up to become. We can see it and in a lot of ways we can't stop it no matter how much we attempt to help her down another path.

My last two posts have brought a lot of great comments, ideas and parenting knowledge. I agree with a great deal that has been said.

I know that a lot of this is out of our hands and is due to the other 9 months of the year that she is not with us. I think I'm of the belief that the "Shock and Awe" parenting method seems to work best.The harder, swifter and more shocking the action, the memorable and lasting reaction. I know that those punishments and reactions to my behavior from my childhood were the ones that still stick in my memory even today. Like every child I thought they were unfair, but now I see the justification as a parent. I honestly also think, that

we are the parents, as it has been stated it is not a democracy. My kids start writing "We the People of this Family" and I'll give them credit for trying, but there will be no "Cake" in my "Cake or Death"; no toy soldier last stand; no "Give me Fruit Treats or give me death".

We'll figure it out somehow. I do think we're going to rethink the family chip-in gift.

I think we all feel she is too young for something such as a Ipod Nano, not only for her age, but for the lack of respect she has for those things she does have.

I would like to thank those who took the time to read the ranting of a parent that is still growing into her own and for the words of encouragement, and assistance. (The photos are of me as a child. Showing my progression to a parent.)

You Are What You Eat or You Get What You Give

This morning Mad Dog is having the same discussion with Gigi that we have at least 2 during our summer visit. For breakfast today Mad Dog made pancakes. Gabrielle took one bite and said she was full. This has something that has been going on for several days now. Mad Dog questioned her on this, getting the normal response of tears. She claims she eats turkey, but won't eat Turkey sausage, ground turkey or any other turkey product that isn't deli turkey or actual sliced turkey off a 20 pound bird. She lives off chicken nuggets (frozen only, can't be fresh), turkey dogs and junk food. She questions ever brand we buy. She claims its not what is in WI. She argues that it's not what Momma makes.

Lex and we hope Loki eat what we eat (which is about the same amount as Gigi). If Lex doesn't he doesn't eat. Because of her behavior we are now having issues with him. He is gagging when he puts food in his mouth that he has eaten since the first taste. This is becoming a huge issue. This creates a complete tension within the family dynamic. This is not the only issue. It comes down to the fact that she only is apart of the family when it benifites her. Lex carried his own diaper box (stating along the way every moment that is was "Heavy") up to the second floor all by himself. Gigi walked in and carried her book, nothing else. Didn't help with the groceries and stuff from Target.

Each summer we try something new to make it work. It doesn't. She feels she is entitled to everything. I don't want Lex and Loki to ever think that. Because it's a gift we have what we have, what they have. Gigi doesn't get that.

I am frustrated. I walk the line between letting Mad Dog handle her and my head exploding. I feel terrible that by the end of the summer I'm a bit relieved what our lives go back to nomal. I'm beat. I know this post isn't anything except a rant. I'm sorry I dont' have anything to give.